holy pessimistic batman!

I am the queen of the pessimists today!

I cannot seem to focus on anything good! I know there is good in my life, and around me but I am having a really hard time holding on to it and letting go of this stress and anger. Have you ever been so disgusted with yourself? Not necessairly by your actions but the thoughts that are going through your mind? I am. I don’t even want to look in the mirror because then I get even angrier.

The economy is killing us and Howard’s lack of a decent paycheck is even worse. He is trying to find a new job and even I am looking for a night job that I can work while he’s home. We are in one hell of a financial bind and I am counting the seconds until we get any penny from paycheck, income taxes and grants from school.

Howard and I are at each other’s throats. I thought when Todd finally left after 7 weeks that things would get better. They haven’t. They haven’t gotten worse either, but it’s still not pretty. I miss my husband, my support system. I feel so lonely. It’s so depressing.

We haven’t been to church in 2 1/2 weeks! I miss it so bad and feel that something is missing from my life when I don’t go. We’ve either been sick, too tired or not in town.

I am so freakin sick of feeling this way! And typing it out has helped. I am going to get up off my butt and do something. What? I don’t know but I do know I am sick of feeling like this, it’s  not me and I am damn sick typing about it already.