Archive for October, 2008|Monthly archive page

Wake up, time for school!

It’s finally time.

As of tonight, I will start my first class as a student in the Bachelors of Science program at U of P. I’m insanely nervous for no reason at all. It’s just personal anxiety. I have no doubt I’ll be able to pass this class, it’s just the change mainly.

I know I’m going to have to work with and depend on others to do my assignments {U of P does ‘learning teams’} THAT’s going to be a stretch for me, but it something I don’t have a choice on. I have two years of classes on this campus and I need to swallow down my anxieties and pull it together. I know after the first class, I’ll feel better.

And of course, today is the day that my husband decides that I should stop drinking caffeine…yeah freaking right. I need a cup of coffee like now, and I plan on having at least one laaaaaaarge glass of coke later lol.


Wordless Wednesday

Knew it was coming…

Ever have that feeling, when you know something is coming straight for you and going to crash into you head on? I’ve had that for about 2 weeks now. I’ve been on edge waiting.

It finally came to head last night. At 1am the phone rang…


Saturday my mom and I had a fight. The first in a very long time. She was beyond manic and the last thing I wanted to do was be around her or have my kids around her. She made it very clear on Sunday when we came to pick up the kids {she watched them while we went to church} that she wanted a break. No problem, I can give her that 😉 Mind you, she asked for my kids, I didn’t ask her to watch them.

Anyway, so last night at 1am my phone rings. My mom is shrilly…asking me if I’m awake. I tell her no and she proceeds to tell me that I need to wake up and totally loses it. I mean full on SCREAMING, hysterically. It was painful to listen to. Why was she doing this? She was under the influence of who knows what and was ANGRY at my father and I for talking about her. There is nothing I say about ANYONE that I wouldn’t say to their face, wasn’t like it was a secret or anything. She’s been irresponsible to the highest degree lately. Surrounding herself with triggers and bad influences and losing track of what’s really important in life. It’s so hard to watch a train wreck in slow motion, but that has been her these past few weeks. So sue me if I feel the need to discuss her irrational, dangerous and irresponsible behavior with my father.

So, at 1am my sweet husband treks over to her house and picks up my dad who is just shaking in anger, who obviously had just been woken up and kicked out of his own home when it’s 34 degrees outside. Real nice mom.

I’m going to be completely honest here, my mother needs to be committed. Whether that be to the good things in life, the good things for her, the responsible way of living in today’s world or actually committed into a hospital, it needs to happen.

I had to explain to Kenzie today why she couldn’t go to Nanny’s anymore. That was hard. That child is very perceptive and totally understood my reasoning’s I have her, which were the truth, minus adult details. My mom is on a path to destruction and until she finds a new path she will not be around my family. This is so heartbreaking.

Beware of imaginary flying objects!

Let’s backup a little…

On Sunday Howard and I went to church. I haven’t been to church since April 2005. I’ve been wanting to go, and I’m glad we did. It was a huge congregation with TONS of people and very ‘new age’. I really enjoyed it and frankly cried all the way through it. I loved it and didn’t really want to leave when it ended and have been counting down the days when I can go back. I guess I need it right now because I have never had the strong desire to go to church. I really can’t wait until Sunday.

Ok now for the present…

This evening is my orientation and New Student Workshop. I’m pretty anxious about it because Howard’s probably not coming with me {due to his work schedule}.

Tomorrow is going to be one hectic day…I have to find a sitter for Maddie so I can go volunteer at Kenzie’s school for half the day. Then besides taking care of my kids and car pool with Kenzie and some other kids I have my sister’s pampered chef party at 7. At least I can chill and have a cocktail while learning about way too expensive kitchen gadgets that I want. Oh and my cousin Shari is coming and so I’m so excited to see her, it’s been too long. For then next two evenings I won’t be home. I don’t like that, but what can I do?!

Last night as we were going to bed, Howard jams his hands against the headboard and yelps in pain. At the same time I whip the covers up over my chest and when I do, something hard and plastic {still don’t know what} pops up from the blanket and hits me in the face. Howard swears I imagined it. The soreness on my cheekbone this morning says otherwise. This morning I get a text: Watch out for imaginary plastic objects flying at you.


The family; lately

I’ve been meaning to blog, but seriously haven’t had the time. Between the hours of 7am and 7pm yesterday I was home maybe…an hour at the most. Crazy!

Howard got a job! It’s for an office supply company and he does deliveries for them. They mainly provide supplies for pro bono, non profit or local government offices. He LOVES the job so far. He said he barely feels like he’s working because it’s so easy. I guess that’s just what he needs while he’s going to school. Also, the money is not half bad either. He starts classes on the 27th and is a little anxious about it…change…it’s normal. We have orientation this week, so hopefully that will wean a little of the anxiety.

Kenzie’s doing well. She’s the star of the week this week! She’s so excited she gets extra attention, lol. Her grades are doing very well and her reading even better! We are way into the American Girl series of books {which is scary in a way because I KNOW she is going to ask me for one of those $90 dolls…yikes}. I really enjoy the books because they are based around historical events and she learns so much of them. The first one we read was Meet Samantha, set in 1904. All sorts of things had to be explained in that one, and she cried all the way through the book. It touched issues on slavery, segregation, child laborers and rich vs. poor. It was an eye opener for my beautiful little 7 year old.

Maddie is a vampire. No really. She bites, she doesn’t eat real food {I seriously think she prefers blood, mine to be exact} and she doesn’t sleep. I think I need to take her to a doctor, lol. She’s teething…AGAIN. Oh strike the eating thing, she ate a banana and now half of a piece of cheese toast! SCORE! Her newest phrase is, ‘What you doing?!’ It’s more like an accusation then a question. I actually have a video of her jabbering at me. Click HERE to see it.

I’ve been looking for a job, like the other millions in this city. It’s hard to find one that is not only local but will work around my other commitments. The closer I get to starting class the more I tend to regret not choosing to do it online. Nothing I can do about it now though, can I?

We’ve been thinking about moving. Downgrading our payment as well as our house so it won’t be so hard to keep up. I don’t want to leave our house because as a rental house it’s PERFECT in my eyes except we have one connecting wall and the management sucks. The manager here is having some MAJOR FAMILY PROBLEMS and how I totally respect that she has really let the complex go to hell and that’s not ok. They don’t have an assistant manager, in fact that was supposed to be me as of January. Our lease is up as of midnight on December 31st. So we’re looking into a few things but not making any rash decisions. The two places we’re looking into are convenient in every sense of the word. The first choice is RIGHT NEXT TO MACKENZIE’S SCHOOL! The second is the same complex my parents live in. That means that our childcare dilemma would be solved…Nice.

Unfortunately I have to leave now and go over to my parents and be gone all day, yet again. This week is so nuts, I need a vacation. Oh, we’re planning on going back to Sea World in the next few weeks…YAY! 🙂 Mini Vacay!

Fall fakeout

With the overcast skies.

The smell of Apple, Cinnamon, and burning wood in the air.

The temperatures in the mid 50’s.

The cute little jeans and jacket my daughter’s wearing.

By George, It seems like fall!

In reality, the skies are overcast because the sun isn’t all the way up yet. The Apple and Cinnamon are caused not by something delicious in an oven, but a apple Cinnamon flavored pop tart my daughter requested for breakfast. And the smell of wood burning is not someone’s fireplace…it’s the maintenance staff at our apartment complex, burning a fallen tree.

But of course, that’s the big picture. And right now, I’m going to keep my little view of outside my window, makes me feel like Texas really does have seasons.

Oh and it really is in the 50’s and my daughter really does look cute…see…
Kenzie girl

Do you know what today is?

Now I honestly forgot about this until I got a call about 10:30am and asked me to come to a support group gathering a few minutes from my house. I went and brought Morgan, her memory box and Madison with me. I’m glad I went.

I was hoping to get enough ‘umph’ to watch the ultrasound tape. It’s something I’ve wanted to do but haven’t since we found out Morgan passed. To see her alive and moving and enteracting with her sister. I’m just not ready yet. Almost 2 years later, and still not ready. You’d think I would be.

Howard had a job interview today that went very well. He hopes to hear from them later in the week. I ordered my books for school and they are on their way. 🙂 I made a ton of other phone calls today as well. I need to do the same thing tomorrow too. I need something to really kick me in the butt tomorrow to get all this crap done so I don’t have it on my to do list anymore lol.

I’m not even reading the Twilight Saga anymore {finished it} and I am still obsessed. I watch the trailer for the movie once a day. I’m so beyond hooked…more like OBSESSED! 🙂

In closing, before you lay your head down tonight please pray or think of those who have lost an infant or a pregnancy. Please also remember that all babies are precious and beautiful, some too beautiful for this earth.

Every good gift comes from heaven above
We were blessed with twins to cherish and love
Born together to grow apart
One in our hands and one in our heart

Mommy loves you sweet angel.

What if I’m not the hero?

*swoon* November 21st cannot come soon enough!

Lots of mumbo jumbo

I AM WE ARE OFFICIALLY A STUDENTS! On Friday night Howard and I met with an enrollment counselor and got enrolled in COLLEGE!!! Holy Monkey!

Howard’s going for his associates degree in business management. When he’s done with that he’s going to pick his degree of specialization and go for his Bachelors. I am so proud of him! He chose to get his associates degree now, instead of going straight for his Bachelors so he could have the opportunity to work WITH his associates degree while attaining his bachelors. Which makes sense!

I am going straight for my Bachelors. Since I’m already a stay at home mom and just work when needed and volunteer at Kenzie’s school. When I graduate my degree with say something along the lines of ‘Bachelor of Science in Information Technology specializing in Network, Telecommunications’. Woof.

I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am. I’m also VERY nervous! To start, I’m taking classes at the campus. Then transferring online to do the rest. The thing I’m most scared of is Algebra. Ha! I so suck at math! Howard’s classes are strictly online, which works for him. We’ve both applied for financial assistance and Grants and should hear something by the end of the week pertaining to the status of those. I need to get a laptop ASAP. I cannot imagine having to hand write all my notes for class, so hopefully that moola comes in sooner rather then later. Howard’s classes start October 27th and mine start October 30th.

This weekend we went to see Howard’s family. They had this great little party at a beautiful park and we had a very good time. They were very excited to hear our news {Although most looked VERY disappointed when I said I wasn’t pregnant} and very supportive as well.

And other then that…

My extended family is treating me like I’m insignificant, once again. This does get old. Sometimes I really do with that I didn’t care about their views of me and how they treat me. Is there a pill for that?

Check out pictures from this weekend after the jump

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