Archive for December, 2008|Monthly archive page

In Rememberance

I just watched the most precious 29 minutes and 57 seconds I have ever seen. I haven’t watched that tape since before Morgan passed. I’ve needed to watch it as an affirmation of life. To see with my own eyes and remember that at one point my baby was thriving, living inside me. I watched her move, dance, yawn, hiccup, kick her sister in the head, suck her thumb and interact with her sister in a way I will never see again in this life. That was such a beautiful thing to watch. But the thing that meant most to me was the 48 seconds of strong, beautiful heartbeat.
Kenzie asked me this morning on the way to school when Morgan died. I think she has a feeling that it was today. I told her that it was coming up, and coming soon. I didn’t want to spoil her Christmas party day. I normally never deter her from talking about Morgan but this morning I had to, for her.

I have been dwelling on my regrets surrounding Morgan’s death so much in the past few weeks. I know it’s unhealthy, but hard to do in these circumstances. I am just so thankful for Maddie, and that she’s healthy and safe. I’m so thankful that I had Morgan in my arms for those sweet moments.

Every Gift Comes From Above
We were blessed with twins, to cherish and love.
Born together to grow apart,
One in our hands and one in our heart.

If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true,
We’d pray to God with all our hearts
For yesterday and You.
A thousand words can’t bring you back
We know because we’ve tried…
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we’ve cried…
You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too…
But we never wanted memories
We only wanted You.

The following was written in a card that the nurses gave us in the hospital after we had Morgan.
Gone but not forgotten
There is a little angel, with God up in the sky.
She sings a special song, Mommy and Madison please don’t cry.
Remember our tummy time and the joy I gave you.
Dear Mommy and Madison please don’t cry, I’m watching over you.

Morgan Kathleen
Received in Heaven on December 18th, 2006
Born on January 9th, 2007 at 3:05 PM

2 pounds and 15 3/4 inches long

Major Men Rant

Men and me do not get along today.

This morning I was talking to my BFF Lora on the phone, we haven’t spoke in FOREVER and it was long overdue. Plus, my husband was nagging on me that we had a ton of minutes that weren’t going to roll over but needed to be used. So Howard was texting me and obviously I couldn’t hear it. So he got pissed that I didn’t respond. Sorry.
Then Howard gets here (he picks up Todd every morning and he goes with Howard on his deliveries-yeah Todd’s been with us since Saturday November 29th) and Todd had just woken up 10 minutes before. Although Howard woke him up at 8am this morning, he just got out of bed at 9:40. So I tell Todd that Howard is outside waiting and Todd screams at me asking what Howard wants for lunch then. I mean full out yelling. I tell him that he’s buying lunch and he storms out of the house. I deal with my husband yelling at me, but my brother in law who is living here and being supported COMPLETELY FREE!!!! Can you say ungrateful freeloader syndrome?!

Todd has just basically ignored me since he got home but since Howard got home, oh my bob.
He is yelling at me all the time for absolutely nothing. I seriously almost cried last time. On top of that he’s picking on me and I keep asking him to stop and he’s not. He is doing everything he can to upset me today. He was yelling at me, yelling at the kids and totally trying to upset me.

He succeeded. I am so done with men right now. I am seriously thinking about downing some NyQuil so I can fall asleep so he’ll leave me alone. That’s sad.

Wordless Wednesday

Ok, a few words. These were taken yesterday evening around 9pm. Also yesterday we had a record high temperature of 81 degrees, 7 hours later…

And then this morning…

Oops

This is going to be one long entry so go grab a cup of coffee first, and get me a grande Carmel macciato while you’re at it, k?

First of all I totally didn’t follow through with NaBloPoMo which makes me so mad at myself. It’s not like I didn’t have a ton to talk about, I did, I just got busy lol.

Kenzie’s great! Had a good week off for Thanksgiving played with her cousins and friends twice and really had fun spending time with her sister and daddy. Her grades are doing very well, I am so proud of her!

Maddie’s awesome too. She loved Thanksgiving, because she is a turkey, lol. She has been uncharacteristically sweet to relatives she doesn’t seen often which resulted in a lot of ‘awwww’s’. She is fascinated by the lights outside that Howard spent 4 days putting up and the Christmas decor on the interior of the house. She calls the lights ‘Pretties’. So, whenever she sees them on she screams, ‘PRETTIES ON!!!!!!!!!!!’ It’s precious! She got her first kiss on Friday, by a cousin but on the lips none the less, poor Derek, not a chance buddy.

My mom is slowly crawling back on her rocker. She’s gone back to the doctor and got back on her meds, YAY! Her diabetes is out of control which her doctor is pretty convinced that it may of caused a mini stroke a week ago. She has been sick for days now, all her medicine is going to take a while to kick in and work correctly again.

Howard’s doing good. He was having trouble with a professor of his recently and basically he called her out on being too critical and now she’s being better about it. His other class he’s doing amazing in! Job is going well, he loves it and the people he works with! Todd has been staying with us and going to work with him everyday so he’s not stuck in the house with me all day, which he doesn’t mind but he’d rather spend time with his brother, I don’t blame him at all! He has had a lot of fun Griswolding our house. It looks just beautiful! (yes, I’ll post pics soon!)

Now for me, I suppose. My learning team issues are not solved in any way. But the dreaded paper is almost done and will be finalized when I get the girls other part of the paper, she has sent me approximitely 300 useable words. She was supposed to give me around 1200! I’m upto 1800 so far. Just waiting. Hopefully she doesn’t take too much longer because it has to be posted before class on Thursday night. Speaking of Thursday, it’s my LAST CLASS!!!!! YAY!!!

Play by Play of other events:

Our Thanksgiving was great, food was awesome, my in laws and parents were here.
I got up at 4am and did Black Friday shopping and got soaked but tons of good deals, Howard slept in, butthead lol.
Friday’s Thanksgiving with my family was great. Kids had a blast and I really enjoyed spending time with my family. Howard was his normal, charming self lol.
Saturday we didn’t do anything except clean the house, relax, put up Christmas stuff and work on my papers.
Sunday we went to Church, went shopping and then went to my niece’s surprise birthday party. They’re going to Disney World for her real birthday and she was sad that she wasn’t going to have a birthday party with her friends and family so my sister threw her a surprise party.

Since then I’ve just been trying to finish these papers. I got my individual one done and turned in on Saturday.

So, that’s what’s been up with me. Now I need to get Maddie ready and go get Kenzie from school and take the girls to get their flu shots. Man are they going to be mad at me!