Archive for the ‘Bubba-Lou’ Category

Will work for pancakes

I HAVE pulled myself out of that funk and it feels so good. I think I needed to get out my feelings so I could get over it and that is exactly what I did. I had to give Maddie her first time out this week. That wasn’t easy, but it was affective.

My husband wants me to go to work with him today. He’s an odd one. But I might just go. I’m applying for an internship today at a IT place for medical offices in the Austin area. It’s VERY close to home, actually it’s a block from my sister’s office, lol. Anyway, I am very excited about it and really hope they consider me. I would love the opportunity to get some more work experience and the money, even for an internship is really good!

I am really excited about tomorrow. We’re taking Maddie to the zoo for her birthday present. Us and Danielle and Beckham are headed to the San Antonio Zoo for the day and I am so excited! I LOVE ZOO’S! I haven’t been to that one since I was 8 and Kenzie hasn’t been to a zoo since she was 4! The only issue we may have is how early we’re leaving. We’re planning on heading out around 8:30ish and poor Danielle and Beckham usually don’t get up until noon (ahhhh to have one toddler again). Other then that it is going to be one fun day!

Oh and wondering about the title? Blame Backyardagains.

holy pessimistic batman!

I am the queen of the pessimists today!

I cannot seem to focus on anything good! I know there is good in my life, and around me but I am having a really hard time holding on to it and letting go of this stress and anger. Have you ever been so disgusted with yourself? Not necessairly by your actions but the thoughts that are going through your mind? I am. I don’t even want to look in the mirror because then I get even angrier.

The economy is killing us and Howard’s lack of a decent paycheck is even worse. He is trying to find a new job and even I am looking for a night job that I can work while he’s home. We are in one hell of a financial bind and I am counting the seconds until we get any penny from paycheck, income taxes and grants from school.

Howard and I are at each other’s throats. I thought when Todd finally left after 7 weeks that things would get better. They haven’t. They haven’t gotten worse either, but it’s still not pretty. I miss my husband, my support system. I feel so lonely. It’s so depressing.

We haven’t been to church in 2 1/2 weeks! I miss it so bad and feel that something is missing from my life when I don’t go. We’ve either been sick, too tired or not in town.

I am so freakin sick of feeling this way! And typing it out has helped. I am going to get up off my butt and do something. What? I don’t know but I do know I am sick of feeling like this, it’sĀ  not me and I am damn sick typing about it already.

Major Men Rant

Men and me do not get along today.

This morning I was talking to my BFF Lora on the phone, we haven’t spoke in FOREVER and it was long overdue. Plus, my husband was nagging on me that we had a ton of minutes that weren’t going to roll over but needed to be used. So Howard was texting me and obviously I couldn’t hear it. So he got pissed that I didn’t respond. Sorry.
Then Howard gets here (he picks up Todd every morning and he goes with Howard on his deliveries-yeah Todd’s been with us since Saturday November 29th) and Todd had just woken up 10 minutes before. Although Howard woke him up at 8am this morning, he just got out of bed at 9:40. So I tell Todd that Howard is outside waiting and Todd screams at me asking what Howard wants for lunch then. I mean full out yelling. I tell him that he’s buying lunch and he storms out of the house. I deal with my husband yelling at me, but my brother in law who is living here and being supported COMPLETELY FREE!!!! Can you say ungrateful freeloader syndrome?!

Todd has just basically ignored me since he got home but since Howard got home, oh my bob.
He is yelling at me all the time for absolutely nothing. I seriously almost cried last time. On top of that he’s picking on me and I keep asking him to stop and he’s not. He is doing everything he can to upset me today. He was yelling at me, yelling at the kids and totally trying to upset me.

He succeeded. I am so done with men right now. I am seriously thinking about downing some NyQuil so I can fall asleep so he’ll leave me alone. That’s sad.

Oops

This is going to be one long entry so go grab a cup of coffee first, and get me a grande Carmel macciato while you’re at it, k?

First of all I totally didn’t follow through with NaBloPoMo which makes me so mad at myself. It’s not like I didn’t have a ton to talk about, I did, I just got busy lol.

Kenzie’s great! Had a good week off for Thanksgiving played with her cousins and friends twice and really had fun spending time with her sister and daddy. Her grades are doing very well, I am so proud of her!

Maddie’s awesome too. She loved Thanksgiving, because she is a turkey, lol. She has been uncharacteristically sweet to relatives she doesn’t seen often which resulted in a lot of ‘awwww’s’. She is fascinated by the lights outside that Howard spent 4 days putting up and the Christmas decor on the interior of the house. She calls the lights ‘Pretties’. So, whenever she sees them on she screams, ‘PRETTIES ON!!!!!!!!!!!’ It’s precious! She got her first kiss on Friday, by a cousin but on the lips none the less, poor Derek, not a chance buddy.

My mom is slowly crawling back on her rocker. She’s gone back to the doctor and got back on her meds, YAY! Her diabetes is out of control which her doctor is pretty convinced that it may of caused a mini stroke a week ago. She has been sick for days now, all her medicine is going to take a while to kick in and work correctly again.

Howard’s doing good. He was having trouble with a professor of his recently and basically he called her out on being too critical and now she’s being better about it. His other class he’s doing amazing in! Job is going well, he loves it and the people he works with! Todd has been staying with us and going to work with him everyday so he’s not stuck in the house with me all day, which he doesn’t mind but he’d rather spend time with his brother, I don’t blame him at all! He has had a lot of fun Griswolding our house. It looks just beautiful! (yes, I’ll post pics soon!)

Now for me, I suppose. My learning team issues are not solved in any way. But the dreaded paper is almost done and will be finalized when I get the girls other part of the paper, she has sent me approximitely 300 useable words. She was supposed to give me around 1200! I’m upto 1800 so far. Just waiting. Hopefully she doesn’t take too much longer because it has to be posted before class on Thursday night. Speaking of Thursday, it’s my LAST CLASS!!!!! YAY!!!

Play by Play of other events:

Our Thanksgiving was great, food was awesome, my in laws and parents were here.
I got up at 4am and did Black Friday shopping and got soaked but tons of good deals, Howard slept in, butthead lol.
Friday’s Thanksgiving with my family was great. Kids had a blast and I really enjoyed spending time with my family. Howard was his normal, charming self lol.
Saturday we didn’t do anything except clean the house, relax, put up Christmas stuff and work on my papers.
Sunday we went to Church, went shopping and then went to my niece’s surprise birthday party. They’re going to Disney World for her real birthday and she was sad that she wasn’t going to have a birthday party with her friends and family so my sister threw her a surprise party.

Since then I’ve just been trying to finish these papers. I got my individual one done and turned in on Saturday.

So, that’s what’s been up with me. Now I need to get Maddie ready and go get Kenzie from school and take the girls to get their flu shots. Man are they going to be mad at me!

Wednesday words for the wise

Husbands, do NOT put powered sugar in a container labled flour. It ruins my pan fried chicken as well as my large skillet that is now in the trash.

Yuck.

Anxiety

I am starting to get a little anxious about all my work due in the next few weeks. I just feel like I have a lot on my plate right now. Which I kinda do. The holidays, my kids, school, work, Howard, his parents issues and oh so much more. It’s just getting a little overwhelming.

As for work, I haven’t worked in the office in a few weeks. My entire staff of coworkers was let go and since technically I wasn’t hired on with the company they just basically haven’t called me in. I submitted my resume to Howard’s boss. They’re hiring tech support and a CSR and I’m their #1 canadiate. Go me! It’s a great company that is treating my husband very well. Also, it’s a small company growing company. I’d love to be able to help it grow. So, I’m very excited about that.

Ok, this took me forever. Maddie is pissed and yes, still awake. Howard’s passed out on the couch and I’m supposed to be working on my essay. But when I typed in, “kill me now” I decided I did enough for one night.

BHE!!!!

Last night was uneventful (thank you Kimm). Kenzie slept well, as did the rest of our household. She woke up this morning with a low grade fever and a sore stomach but was able to eat meals all day without getting sick. She is feeling a lot better but because of the fever, I’m concerned about school tomorrow, so we’ll see.

This morning was our new members class at our church. We are official members now. Church was a big turning point for me today. Basically I friggin l9pm lost it. The choir started singing amazing grace and my face started raining. I prayed with quite a few individuals from church today and it made me feel so good. Christianity is still hard to talk about for me. I believe in God, but there was a time when I didn’t. I can’t explain why I had this turning point and I why I feel such a pull to God, but I do. And it helps me get through my issues and that’s all that matters to me.

When we left church Howard and I went out to lunch and then he took me to best buy to buy me a laptop, I’m typing this entry from my bed. Seriously.best.husband.ever. Not only that but at 9pm he left the house to take the trash to the dumpster and went to wing stop and grabbed us a late dinner and went to Wal-Mart and got me some Tylenol (my arthritis is killing me and we were all out).

Kenzie was feeling a lot stronger this evening so we’ll see about school. I told her if she didn’t have fever then she got to choose if she was going to school or not.

Anyway, I need to thank my husband properly, take that as you will and goodnight. šŸ™‚

I take it back

Remember THIS entry?

Yeah, I totally take it back. And that’s the thing with Howard. Whenever I bitch about him to anyone, to him, when he knows I’m unhappy by his actions he always makes up for it and makes me feel like a jerk, lol. I’m not complaining about that either, I’m glad that my opinions and view of him are important enough to him that he fixes things.

Yesterday he worked his butt off trying to get home in enough time to see me for a few minutes before I had to leave for class. He delt with my parents while I was here, and even after I left. On my way home, he sounded whipped. He said that Maddie’s been a handfull and he didn’t get anything done while I was at school. I apologized but when I got home it was a whole ‘nother story! Both kids were fed, happy, and still awake (I got home shortly after 9). The house was SPOTLESS. Seriously. He majorly cleaned and he cleaned the office up from all my dad’s bedding stuff, ect. I was in utter shock. Oh and the ‘whipped’ voice…it was an act. Although he was tired, when I got home he had a HUGE smile on his face (like a kid who brings his mom a frog in the kitchen while she’s trying to cook).

He amazes me. šŸ™‚

classy lady

I got home from class a couple of hours ago. I felt so anxious at school, I don’t know what my deal was! There was an amazing presentation by a man who graduated from the University of Phoenix and is in the ‘tech’ business and is amazingly successful! I loved his presentation learning about his life and the challenges life has thrown at him.

No one from my current class is a tech student like me, so they were all bored to tears and I hung on his every word. He noticed lol. My class pratically ran out of the office and I stayed behind to talk to him. I shook his hand and thanked him for his presentation and I remember using the words inspiring and entertaining. šŸ™‚ He said that I didn’t look away once when he was talking and he admired that. After I finished telling him what I was doing with my education he gave me some great advice and told me to keep in contact with him. Can we say…job? lol

Not to mention I got props from my professor for staying behind and waiting to speak with him instead of running out like the rest of the class did. šŸ™‚ {Yeah, I was called teachers pet, screw ’em lol}

Before I left for class I had to deal with some drama at home. My dad left yesterday to go ‘take care of my mom’s issues’ so she would quit calling and freaking out on us. Yeah, like I thought he came over today, right before Howard came home to watch the girls so I could go to class to pick up his stuff. I knew that was coming. Not that I’m not glad to have my house back, but I’m just so annoyed in being drug through their drama.

My mom seems to think now that my dad is back with her that I will just release my children to her, no problem. Wrong-o woman. My issues with her had NOTHING to do with my father! She’s the one who said she needed a break from my children when I had her watch them for 3 hours. She’s the one who kept taking off and leaving my 74 year old father with a screaming, teething baby and a 7 year old in the evening past their bedtime. She’s the one who is being irresponsible with her life, money, health and the company she keeps. She is also the one who called me at 1am screaming, cussing and accusing me of things I had no knowledge of.

I mean seriously, does she think I would just…forget? She has this hold on me thinking I need her. She’s my mother, I love her and I need her to be my mom. I do not need her to watch my children, I do not need her to babysit, I do not need her to give me mommy break. I can deal with that all by myself and I fully tend to!

Howard’s company is going to be hiring a CSR after Christmas and they would like to hire a family member or one of the current staff and because we would have the same hours (that would help TREMENDOUSLY on gas!) I’ve expressed interest.

Ok…I think my husband is about to pass out so I’m going to bed. šŸ™‚

so.not.fair.

For the past two weeks I’ve been going to classes once a week, on Thursdays from 6-10. BOTH DAYS when I call when I’m on my way home and when I get home I literally get yelled at.

I am not one to complain about my husband. He’s awesome. But because I haven’t done anything outside the home where he was left with the responsibility of home, kids, ect. since 2004 this is a big change.

It’s one night a week.
I cook dinner BEFORE I leave, and even start the kids on eating.
The house is clean before I leave.
Home work is done and if it’s bath night, I take care of that as well.

Then I leave.

His responsibility is to keep them entertained, make them finish dinner and put them to bed. But for SOME REASON he has decided that is going to be the night that he works really dilligantly on his homework. I told him that he needs to change that and he agrees but he still chooses to do it THAT DAY, WHILE I’M GONE! So, hence when I’m on my way home the past two weeks he was holding a screaming baby (that can frustrate anyone, I don’t care who you are) and trying to do school work and SCREAMING at me because he can’t do it.

I very calmly remind him that it’s one evening a week, and I have to go to school too. I do everything for him and expect nothing except to make our kids finish dinner, keep them alive and attempt to put them to bed before I get home somewhere around 10:20. I am very angry that he makes me feel guilty for being away. It’s working, I feel horribly guilty.

This is going to get very old very fast.