Archive for the ‘Drama Booger’ Category

In Rememberance

I just watched the most precious 29 minutes and 57 seconds I have ever seen. I haven’t watched that tape since before Morgan passed. I’ve needed to watch it as an affirmation of life. To see with my own eyes and remember that at one point my baby was thriving, living inside me. I watched her move, dance, yawn, hiccup, kick her sister in the head, suck her thumb and interact with her sister in a way I will never see again in this life. That was such a beautiful thing to watch. But the thing that meant most to me was the 48 seconds of strong, beautiful heartbeat.
Kenzie asked me this morning on the way to school when Morgan died. I think she has a feeling that it was today. I told her that it was coming up, and coming soon. I didn’t want to spoil her Christmas party day. I normally never deter her from talking about Morgan but this morning I had to, for her.

I have been dwelling on my regrets surrounding Morgan’s death so much in the past few weeks. I know it’s unhealthy, but hard to do in these circumstances. I am just so thankful for Maddie, and that she’s healthy and safe. I’m so thankful that I had Morgan in my arms for those sweet moments.

Every Gift Comes From Above
We were blessed with twins, to cherish and love.
Born together to grow apart,
One in our hands and one in our heart.

If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true,
We’d pray to God with all our hearts
For yesterday and You.
A thousand words can’t bring you back
We know because we’ve tried…
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we’ve cried…
You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too…
But we never wanted memories
We only wanted You.

The following was written in a card that the nurses gave us in the hospital after we had Morgan.
Gone but not forgotten
There is a little angel, with God up in the sky.
She sings a special song, Mommy and Madison please don’t cry.
Remember our tummy time and the joy I gave you.
Dear Mommy and Madison please don’t cry, I’m watching over you.

Morgan Kathleen
Received in Heaven on December 18th, 2006
Born on January 9th, 2007 at 3:05 PM

2 pounds and 15 3/4 inches long


Last night was uneventful (thank you Kimm). Kenzie slept well, as did the rest of our household. She woke up this morning with a low grade fever and a sore stomach but was able to eat meals all day without getting sick. She is feeling a lot better but because of the fever, I’m concerned about school tomorrow, so we’ll see.

This morning was our new members class at our church. We are official members now. Church was a big turning point for me today. Basically I friggin l9pm lost it. The choir started singing amazing grace and my face started raining. I prayed with quite a few individuals from church today and it made me feel so good. Christianity is still hard to talk about for me. I believe in God, but there was a time when I didn’t. I can’t explain why I had this turning point and I why I feel such a pull to God, but I do. And it helps me get through my issues and that’s all that matters to me.

When we left church Howard and I went out to lunch and then he took me to best buy to buy me a laptop, I’m typing this entry from my bed. Not only that but at 9pm he left the house to take the trash to the dumpster and went to wing stop and grabbed us a late dinner and went to Wal-Mart and got me some Tylenol (my arthritis is killing me and we were all out).

Kenzie was feeling a lot stronger this evening so we’ll see about school. I told her if she didn’t have fever then she got to choose if she was going to school or not.

Anyway, I need to thank my husband properly, take that as you will and goodnight. 🙂

Like pulling teeth from a grizzly!

The past 24 hours I have been trying to get a hold of my team so we could to the team charter. Now, for those who don’t know, the Team Charter is just a contract saying the people in our group, their strengths, their weaknesses and their contact information and general first ideas on our subject for the final project.

THIS has been a struggle, which it shouldn’t be. I guess I should of started calling on Monday. Ugh. Anyway, I have received 3 completed Team Charters, one is supposedly on it’s way and the other will not return my phone calls or emails. Lovely. I am fully prepared to post the team charter without that individual’s information but because he’s the one who chose the subject and knows most about it, I’m highly annoyed with him.

Today is a big day for me. Not only do I have class, but Maddie has her 6 month re-eval for PT today. I’m so nervous. I’m afraid she’s going to have to keep going, I’m afraid that she’s going to have to stop lol. Yes, I know I just contradicted myself. I’ve just received so much help from these people and I’m a little anxious about letting them go. Truth be told, it’s time. She’s ready, she’s up to par.

We had Parent Teacher Conferences yesterday. That went very well. Kenzie’s making 2 high B’s and the rest A’s. She is showing so many dyslexic tendencies and her teacher agrees with me. What to do about them, I don’t know. All in all it went very well.

Last night, Howard and I logged onto our student websites and looked at our account histories. BOTH OF OUR LOANS/GRANTS HAVE HIT THE ACCOUNT! OMG OMG OMG! That is such a relief! Howard’s hit on Monday, and mine on Tuesday. They say that it takes 7-10 business days for the money to be disbursed to us. Finally we have an outlook on it! I cannot wait until they get here. According to the website, it looks like we’re getting more then we expected, but that website is so damn vague and confusing I never know. What I do know is it’s on the way. *sigh*

2nd grade

Last night it hit me like a ton of bricks that Mackenzie was starting 2nd grade. I had a little OCD, some anxiety and I cried. {the first of many within 24 hours, trust me}

I was concerned how our new schedule would affect Maddie, but she woke up a quarter ’til 6! So, we took our time getting ready and headed to school. Maddie and I walked Kenzie in. She was so ‘into it’. She walked straight to her locker and hung her stuff up. Then she realized that her crayons and colored pencils were HERS and no one elses and she looked up and said, BYE MOM. I had to ask her twice to come give Maddie and I a kiss.

Continue reading

The end of April

4/21/08- Alright Yoda
We finally heard back from the PT people! Geez!
Anyway, the lady is VERY nice and I really enjoyed talking to her. I think we’ll get along just fine! They’re coming on Friday and I couldn’t be happier! She’s bringing a trainee with her, I don’t mind, more people to show my baby off too, oo, did I just say that?
My mom is going to be here during the visit so she can keep Kenzie happy and I can focus on the therapist and Maddie.
And then to the dark side if you will…
We got served with an eviction notice today. That’s beyond embarassing to say, I can’t even TELL you how it bruises my pride. Our rent hasn’t been paid for April and we pray that we can get it paid so it gets cleared up.
All of our good rental history, gone. God I hate the damn economy! We can’t even get hired at McNasty! And we even tried! No joke! Don’t ask me what we’re going to do, because frankly I don’t know.
I spent the last few hours holding Maddie and Kenzie and crying. I know it wasn’t healthy but I couldn’t let them go. I let them laugh at me, and boy did they ever! Maddie kept wanting to stand up, and touch my tears as they fell. She laughed so hard, she passed gas. How could I not smile at that?

Edit: Today is a bad day for renters! My bestest friend Lora was told that the house that her and her family {husband and 2 kids} have lived in since they got married is being put on the market. Like now.

4/22/08- Mama bear
We had our appointment with the vice principal today. It went very well. Basically we just told her what we heard happened from Mackenzie and how it affected her and our concerns.
Which basically are that she will not be teased, taunted or embarassed any more by this experience. Considering she already has had self image and self esteem issues, she doesn’t need any help with that.
She wrote all of my concerns and points down and I have to admit, she seemed threatened or scared by me. I think she was expecting me to go nutso on her and get all protective and mama bear-ish. Moi?!
But I didn’t! I kept my cool! I reminded myself that this was a young boy who did this, a young boy who is her friend and didn’t mean to hurt her and probably didn’t even realize the audacity of his actions. I also reminded myself that we love this school, it’s teachers and administrators. They’re amazing and they always go to great lengths to keep it’s kids safe and happy.
Basically, it couldn’t of gone better.
Oh and Maddie’s taking a second nap right now…maybe we’re not done with the 2 nap thing after all!

4/24/08 Crap-o-la
Well we got the date for our court appearance for the eviction.
Oh and…I’m officially not watching American Idol for the rest of the season starting last night. Carly Smithson got voted off. I threw up. I try not to get too involved with reality TV, hell who am I kidding, I live vicariously through my television lol.
4/25/08 Cry me a river
Today was Maddie’s first PT eval. The Early Intervention specialist was going to come out and watch her and talk to me about her and what they think they can do for her. The lady was a sweetheart, her name is Jan. I hope I get to keep working with her because I took to her personality immediately {anyone who knows all 70’s music lyrics is too cool for school in my book}. Maddie seemed to like her as well.
Right before they got here, Kenzie and my parents showed up from getting her at school. Kenzie was riled up and Maddie wanted to play with her. So, when she couldn’t, she got pissed. My parents were supposed to keep Kenzie occupied, didn’t work so well. We had 8 people in our house {me, mom, dad, kenzers, maddie, todd, jan and her shadower, becky} and Maddie and I were supposed to concentrate. Didn’t work so well.
Jan immediately determined that she needed help. Not by a physical therapist, she thinks. It doesn’t seem medical and she thinks she just needs a little assistance and she’ll be right on track. Score!
Then she asked me about our financial situation. If we were able to provide for our children and just then, my mom had walked in and told them we were in dire need of financial help because of Howard not having a job. I started to cry. Like an idiot. My mom left and I got absolutely hysterical with silent sobs. It has got to rank up there as one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. I don’t even like crying in front of my husband! And here I was crying in front of two total strangers!
Through sobs I told them the whole story and I totally had an anxiety attack. I guess the realization of losing our home, what’s going on with Kenzie, what’s going on with Maddie, just crashed down on me all at once. They showed nothing but concern and compassion and passed zero judgment. They offered me some contacts of some agencies that might be able to help us. Then they excused themselves. I walked outside, handed my dad the baby, went into the bathroom and cried for half an hour. It was like a flood.
Between our financial woes, telling the painful, bittersweet story of the twins birth, having to explain Morgan, something being wrong with Maddie…it all came crashing down.
Finally, it stopped. When I left the bathroom everyone wanted a play by play of what happened with the appointment, which I did not want to talk about that, or anything for that matter. I was numb.
By 9pm…our entire life had changed.
Howard had came home, with a job offer. A real one that could support our family the way we’ve wanted to for years.
My grandparents, after hearing this news, called to tell us to meet my sister tomorrow and get the money they decided to lend us to pay off the eviction crap and pay our rent until June 1st.
Howard and I held each other as we cried in the kitchen after realizing that everything was going to be ok. And promised each other that this would never happen again.

4/26/08 Flipside
We met my sister today at my niece’s last gymnastic meet. She did very well! I was a very proud aunt. Howard loved watching her, considering he hadn’t been a meet and he adores my niece and nephew like they were his.
We saw a demonstration of what she will be doing next year and my sister looked like she was going to throw up lol. It’s very complicated, but Alyssa’s very talented and I think she’ll do beautifully.
We got the money from her and a huge sigh of relief came over us. No, I didn’t cry again, lol.

4/28/08 Hot blooded
I have been so beyond sick today. 103 fever. Kill me.
Oh, I paid our rent today in my sickened stupor. 🙂

4/29/08 Lawyer
I woke up this morning still feeling crappy so I went and got my parents. Sometimes I love that they don’t work. My mom cleaned my house and took care of Maddie while I was a vegetable.
While I was vegging Howard got some disturbing news about Able Body, the contract labor place he works through. Apparently there is a clause in the contract that states that he cannot go to work for any company he is called out to for that company. If he does then he has to pay a fine, ect.
Well, to make a long story short. He and I both showed up at Able Body that afternoon and demanded to see the contract. They REFUSED to let us see the copy that Howard signed but they gave us a new copy and it said he can not take a TEMPORARY job from any company that they dispatch him to. Umm, not a temporary job here.
This is not the end of this. I’ve already called a lawyer.

4/30/08 No worries
Apparently, we no longer have a need to contact a lawyer.
The company that is going to hire Howard, called Red River Services. They’re a recycling/trash company. He’s going to be doing quality control, assistant project manager and eventually project manager.
Anyway, they BOUGHT Howard’s contract from Able Body. Done. Over.

Busy April 10th-20th

4/10/08 Alright Buddy!
After we got home last night and got the kids to bed, I took a shower and passed out soon after. I woke up because of thunder at 5ish, luckilly they passed before we had to get out of the house to take Kenzie to school.
After Kenzie got off to school I spent, oh about 5 minutes with Howard before he left to finish Vicki’s car again. Maddie slept in until 10:30! Poor kid! But I enjoyed the peace by sitting my butt on the couch and reading, lol.
Howard called me at 12:30 and said the car was running and he was done. It’s after 2. He’s still not home. He called me at 1 and said he had everything picked up, he was going to run upstairs and tell my mom he was leaving and he’d be home. My mom calls at 1:30 and talks about nonchalant things, not mentioning that he was there or anything. At 1:47 I call my mom back wanting to know when Howard left, so I knew how much I could call and bitch at him for. He answered the phone.
me: hey, where are you, I was getting worried. You know her house is like 4 miles from here.
Him: Yeah I know.
Me: I talked to my mom earlier and she didn’t mention or give me any idea you were still there, and neither did you!
Him: Well, I’ve been right here.
Me: what are you doing?
Him: talking.
{could he be any more elusive and vague?!!?!}
I sat there in silence for a few seconds and said, ok, bye.

I was so incredibly annoyed at that point. I texted him a few minutes ago and told him not to forget to pick up Kenzie. He just called me and I let him have it. Not just because he didn’t have the decency to call me, and if I would of done this he would be LIVID, but because he wasn’t even busy doing anything. He was sitting on my mom’s couch talking and didn’t even CONSIDER that I’d be worried when he said he’d be headed home in a few minutes over an hour ago for a 4 mile drive. He actually said, he didn’t think about it. Nice.

4/16/08- Nuts
What the hell is up with the Emerald Nuts commercials? I mean, Swiss Family Robinson? What the french, toast?

4/17/08- Bummer
Well, it’s been a month and no chance of getting our stuff back on. Although the wiring is finished, now they are putting the breaks on us because we haven’t paid in 2 months. Even with the credits from the outage our balance is bad and way more then we have now. When you don’t have anything coming in, you can’t put anything out.
And don’t get me wrong, we have some money. We have the leftover from our pathetic savings to pay for diapers and food. We’re not starving, and when we start getting nervous about our depleting amount of money, Howard does some contract work.
I’m bummed.

4/18/08- Happy Birthday my Love!
Today is Howard’s birthday!
He got to choose dinner, pizza. He got his favorite cake, carrot. And he got his 15 month old daughter to say, Happy Birthday Dada! Of course it wasn’t that annunciated, but she said it!
We also spent the afternoon at a park and man did they all have a ball!

Howard’s brother reliving his youth

Umm, yeah.

Yes, his cake says, Happy Birthday Powie- Nick name, lol.

4/20/08 Full moon

I didn’t blog about this when it happened. I was trying to comprehend everything.

On the 17th I was sitting in the parent pickup line waiting for Kenzie. I was talking to Lora, and a weird number was calling me. I clicked over and it was the acting vice principal at Kenzie’s school {Real VP took the day off}. She told me that today {Thursday} Mackenzie was on the playground and a little boy pulled her pants and panties down.

Shock. Embarrassment. Concern. I immediately asked if she was ok, the principal assured me that she was. She also told me that she offered to call me when the incident happened but Mackenzie refused. I was sitting in the parent pickup line, or I would of driven to the school immediately. I was in such shock. I kinda stuttered and the Temporary VP assured me that the student {whom she cannot name, state law} is being punished severely as is any other students involved and will have to make a formal apology to Mackenzie regarding this event. She asked me if I had any questions, and my response was, not from her. I wanted to talk to my daughter.

Minutes later a smiling Kenzie jumps into the van. She says she had a good day but something embarrassing happened. Patrick Yep, remember, total, shameless, flirtation? Which made me even more concerned about the incident. If it was just childs-play or sexually aggressive. She said that he pulled her pants and panties down and some people saw, not too many. 2 little girls laughed at her and made fun of her and Patrick did too. She told me that all 3 children never came back to the classroom, meaning they got sent home. And in the words of 1st grade punishment, this incident is going on their permanent record and is also being treated VERY SEVERELY! The school is taking it seriously, which I didn’t doubt for a minute, but I’m glad that I have conformation.

After talking about it and through it and after her telling it to me again and telling my mom and Howard she got more and more embarrassed. So, we explained to her how the situation was bad. And how serious it is. And we also told her that sometimes kids don’t know what they’re doing. That’s why they’re kids, but she did nothing wrong. She told us that before the girls went home, they came back to the classroom and apologized to her. The little boy made her a card and apologized. I explained to her that it’s good that they apologized but she had to make sure that she tells them that she’s not ok with what they did, and she can forgive them or choose not to if she likes. I also told her I’d rather her keep away from Patrick, not to be mean, but because I wanted to protect her. She said she understood and agreed with me.

I kept her out Friday. I didn’t want her to have to go back and deal with it right away. I didn’t think that was fair. The school agreed. I’m going to make an appointment with the VP ASAP. Not because of punishment, but because I’m concerned of my daughter. I want to make sure that if any repercussions come of this that it’ll be taken VERY seriously. And I want to make sure if she has any confidence issues {which she has had a lot lately} because of this she can talk to the counselor if need be. Just explain my concerns and get my daughter’s voice out there.

I don’t want to seem like I am downplaying the event. I’m not. I wanted to go postal, trust me. But that’s not right for Mackenzie, and I can’t do that to her. I need to do what’s right for HER.

April 5th-9th

4/5/08- Birthday Party x2
Kenzie was being quite defiant today, I didn’t think we were going to do birthday parties at first. But then she straightened up when I threatened her with being homebound instead of a party girl and man it worked!
The first party was for a girl that was in Kenzie’s Kindergarten class, and they’re still friends and we love her parents! It was at Main Event Entertainment which we had never been to. Kenzie bowled and kicked everyones butt! Seriously, out of 15 kids, including boys, she got the highest score!

Surprisingly Maddie did AWESOME the whole party! The bowling didn’t scare her at all, I thought it would, I’m glad I was wrong. After the bowling, the kids went in and had pizza, cake and Kellie (birthday girl) opened presents.

Birthday Girl:

Then we went into the arcade and Kenzie continued to kick butt on racing games and air hockey. We had a small gap in time between this party and the next. We took the girls home, got Kenzie and Maddie changed, packed Maddie a bag and got dressed ourselves. We took Maddie to my mom’s for the evening because Howard decided to give us a date night, SCORE!
We dropped Kenzie off at my cousins and headed to eat mexican food, and omg it was delicious! I had a margarita that was very strong, but very good.
Then we went to pick up Mackenzie from the party and my aunt, cousin, sister, niece x2 and Kenzie forced convinced me to sing a karaoke duet with Mackenzie. They videotaped it and got pictures, I’ll try to pry the evidence away from them and share it with you.

Cousins: L-R Kenzie, Ashley {birthday girl} & Alyssa

Diva baby!

We were singing to eachother

We were tipsy…and it’s the first picture taken of just us in FOREVER!

4/6/08- Repercussions
Yesterday evenings strong margarita has had bad consequences.
My ulcer is killing me. I’ve been doubled over in pain all day.
To top it off…I’m pretty sure we all have spring fever. Runny noses, coughs, sore throat, light fevers, it’s lovely.
We planned on going to the Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center in downtown but with gas prices about at $3.50 a gallon that wasn’t happening, considering it’s 30 miles away.
Not to mention with all the sinus issues, wildflowers is not where we need to be. Hopefully we can try again this coming weekend. I hope so.
I finally got Howard to sit and watch Enchanted with Kenzie and I. He loved it of course. God that movie is so cute, and the music is catchy and ‘uppidy’.

4/7/08- le sigh
I love you Lora, lol.
Text from her:
A fairy tale: One day, long, long ago…
There lived a woman who didn’t whine, nag or bitch. But this was a very long time ago and it was just that one day. The end.

4/8/08- Mom and Daughter day
Howard watched the baby a good part of the day today so I could go to the library with my mom, help her file her taxes and allow me to go to the store without children grabbing things off of the shelves, lol. I really do love him!
After filing her taxes, she turned, looked at me and said, “Why do I have to make everything so damn complicated?”
That’s a typical woman trait mom. I think it comes with the genetalia. Yeah, she needs to clean my windshield now. It got soaked. I really should learn some tact. Or, rather, not speak when others are drinking. 🙂
When I got home Howard was doing the thing that apparently a few men do. He would talk to me and be perfectly fine. I’d try to discuss something with him and OMG! The world caved in and the rocks annoyed him. He got over it. I did say I loved him, right? 🙂

EDIT: Oh and I was told to pencil in that the net would be on in one week. Then I can finally transfer all these damn entries to my blog! SCORE!

4/9/08- 15!!!
Maddie’s 15 months old today. She had a checkup this morning and it was…informative, to say the least.
1st thing is she weighs 23 pounds 10 ounces, and was over 33”! That’s a 2 pound, 5 ounce weight gain and over a 2 inch growth! She’s in the 90th percentile for height and 50-60th for weight.
Her little spring fever allergy runny nose has turned into a bit of bronchitis! We gave her a nebulizer treatment last night because I feared that, and turns out, my fears were accurate. So, he prescribed her an antibiotic and 2 allergy medications.
Then he did an assessment of where she is developmentally and boy was he impressed. Although she was terribly shy with him, clinging to me like a wet rag she managed to show him what she could do as far as imaginative play (she flips through pages of books and spouts off words like she’s reading), she has a vocabulary of 12 words from what he could tell (she actually has a few more) and she’s very observant and comprehends really well for a 15 month old! I’m proud.
Then came the physical part. She’s lagging. I knew she was but everyone kept telling me she’d catch up. I thought so too, but deep down I knew something was up, even with her being a preemie. Her legs are very strong; she’s been able to hold her own weight since she was 4-5 months old! Her muscle tone is awesome; she’s very strong, nothing wrong actually PHYSICALLY with her. But she’s lagging in the ‘brain, tell my body to walk, crawl, ect.’. She doesn’t pull up unless we help her. She doesn’t cruise. She doesn’t crawl, or even attempt to. She walks, hell she RUNS when she holds our fingers. And when she’s in her walker (which we have oh a very low setting so she has to stand to move herself and use her legs) she can chase her 7 year old sister down!
So, he gave me the number to a good PT that will come to our house and with a handful of visits he said she will be chasing us down, minus the walker. He thinks a few should do it and she WILL be walking by the time she’s 18 months. I trust that man, he’s thorough and he knows what he’s doing and talking about so…yeah.
I’m going to call the PT today! Wish us luck! 🙂

OH! She also got 3 vaccinations that we both cried during. Poor thing! She’s pretty fussy so she’s sleeping now, hence the computer time, lol.

SECOND ENTRY: Auto Service Extrodinare!
We spent from 3pm-9pm at my mom’s house. Why? Howard was trying to fix my mom’s friend…oh god, too complicated. Her name is Vicki. He was trying to fix her car yet again, with the next problem with it.
Kenzie was terrible. She was defiant, wasn’t listening, it was hell with her and Vicki’s daughter lol. Maddie was so fussy and tired and obviously wanted the comforts of her own home. She was miserable the majority of the time. Finally, at 9, half an hour past Kenzie’s bed time and with poor Maddie crying constantly I told Howard if he didn’t call it a night, I was leaving without him. He quit. Thank God for small favors.

April 1st-4th

4/1/08- DOWNTOWN
Today we went DOWNTOWN and I mean like to the capitol downtown. It was gorgeous! I forgot how much I enjoy a crowded city. I love Austin. The actual city is so amazing. I kept doing these long, dramatic sighs the whole time, lol. I didn’t realize that I was until Howard pointed it out. I haven’t been to the capitol since I was very young and I forgot how beautiful it is.
I wonder what I’d be like to live in the city and be an actual ‘Austinite’. Hmm, interesting.

4/2/08- Dancing Queen!
Maddie has been doing the ‘bob to music’ thing for months now (If you’re a mom, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about). We’re very musical in this house, so she’s used to it and loves it! And today, while watching her sister, she learned a couple more dance moves. Click HERE to observe, trust me…click it.

Kenzie has been overly sensitive and moody today. She started off the day by crying because she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to say goodbye to Maddie, because she was still sleeping. She was able to though, and that calmed her down.
I’m concerned about her behavior because we have a very busy weekend up ahead and I hope she isn’t too worn out from all the crap we’ve done lately. We’ve been so incredibly busy! When she got home, she was even more moody! Getting very frustrated, almost to the point of tears when doing her homework because frankly she was too tired to concentrate.
I tried to get her to stop, to do it later, but she refused. She wanted to get it done, now. Okie dokie!

4/4/08-Midnight Riders
Man I don’t know what was up with my kids last night! They were both exhausted and went to bed without too much of a fight. At 1:45am they are both awake and crying! I knew there was supposed to be storms during the night, and thought they might have woken them up, but when I looked at the weather, it wasn’t even drizzling! Kenzie had a nightmare, that she told me later was that Howard and I got divorced and I left her and Maddie and moved to another house.
Then before I could say a word she said, I know you would never do that mom, because you’re the best mom in the world, but it scared me. I hugged her and smiled. She knows me well. I explained divorce. I explained the reasoning behind divorce, and that if it ever happened in no way would it be her fault, or anyone’s fault except for Mommy and Daddy. I told her that she will always be loved and we’d still be a family, we just wouldn’t live together. She said she understood and smiled.
Anyway, after that early morning chat, the girls went to bed and Maddie got woken up by some thunder around 5am. I brought her in our room to sleep, which was quite a trip, she slept IN my shirt, no joke. She crawled up my shirt, and had her head poking out the top, She’s weird.
It’s still storming outside and is supposed to until early afternoon. Let’s hope the day goes by a little smoother then it did last night.
Oh and strangely, I’m in a pretty good mood even though I had my sleep disturbed, which does NOT happen often! Lol

SECOND ENTRY: Woah…Linda Blair moment!
Although, I had a weird night, my good mood is continuing and I had a pretty good day today too!
This evening was pretty eventful! My mom has a friend that lived in her complex, and Mackenzie adores her daughter who’s 6. She’s a single mom, living on child support with a very old car. Howard’s trying to help that car stay on the road instead of on the side of it.
So, all evening we had a household of people!
The girls did have a good time playing though. Man, I now know why my mom got so annoyed with me when I had friends over at that age. They’re so dramatic, constantly tattling on eachother and constantly showing off to the adults. It was do adorable, at first. Got old real quick, lol.

The end of March

3/29/08- Concern and Impressed
Today was a really interesting day. This morning went off so smoothly, and I was trying to go somewhere too! Both kids were doing exactly what I wanted them to do! We left the house about 9:30am and went to pick up my parents and go to Alyssa’s {my niece} gymnastic meet.
She did very well, and I was very proud of her. My dad got bored {jerk off}, my sister was overly critical {but never said that to her face, thank goodness} and my mom was…very helpful lol. She helped me a lot with Maddie in the crowded meet.

Excuse the picture quality, we weren’t able to use flash photography, we didn’t want to distract her.

Warming up:

Waiting for her turn on the uneven bars:

My mom’s gasp could be heard from outside lol. It freaked her out a little to see Alyssa going SO FAST and all the way around the bar lol

Dismount from the beam {she did AMAZING on this one btw!}

I took video, but when I tried to open it just now, my entire computer froze. So…yeah. 🙂

After that, I took my dad, Kenzie and Maddie back to our house where Howard was sleeping {It was like 2pm but he had worked the night before}. He got up and they watched the girls and my mom and I ran to the store to get a birthday gift for a little boy in Kenzie’s class.
I got home 30 minutes before the party was supposed to start. I said goodbye to Howard, who was going BACK to work, packed up Maddie who was going to stay at my moms while I took Kenzie to this party and went and dropped Maddie and my parents off and then Kenzie and I went to the party.
It was at Inflatable Wonderland, where she had her 6th birthday party. She had a blast. I enjoyed chatting with some of the other moms. Mackenzie is always going on about this little boy in her class, Patrick. He’s a gorgeous kid with dark brown hair that he wears spiked up, fair peach skin and bright blue eyes. He’s almost as tall at Kenzie, which is impressive in her 7 years, 4’7’’ frame! We always thought it was a crush and she just talked about the way he acts towards her {always playing with her, tickling her, ect.} was a little exaggeration. Boy was I WRONG! That kid was all over her! He kept doing these running tackles at her on the inflatables. He’d hold her hand, he kept touching her hair, and even when they weren’t doing things together, he’d come up behind her, rub her back or tickle her and walk away like he did nothing. TOTAL.SHAMLESS.FLIRTATION.
I thought it was cute, but then got concerned, lol. I realized that she’s a tween now and this is going to happen more and more with more potency. I keep telling her boys have cooties and make sure not to kiss them, lol. She says she doesn’t but says she likes Patrick a lot. I can see why.
I am in so much trouble.

3/30/08- A whole lotta nothing
Not that I’m complaining! Lol I miss vegging! We cleaned house, ran to the store {well, not literally} and spent time with the kids.

I really do miss vegging and not having to do anything, lol. Man, I’d much rather be vegging on the net though.

3/31/08- Blast from the Past
Today while we were in Walmart, we weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary. Just shopping and talking, lol. Our voices carry so I know we’re heard easily. Apparently easily enough that roaches things crawled out of the woodwork.
When Howard was looking for some t-shirts a woman on a motorized cart looked like she was trying to get past us and I moved out of the way and apologized. She said it’s ok, Kristin. Double take! Triple take! PATTI?!?!!

Backstory: Patti was my moms best friend since Middle school.{Patti also happens to be my aunt (mom’s sister) sister in law! Trisha, my aunt, is married to Patti’s only brother} The woman named me! They were closer then close, as was I to Patti’s daughters. One my age and the other 6 years older. Then both their marriages fell apart in the late 90’s, and they quit talking because of some hearsay and they thought it’d be better if they stayed apart.
Years happened, changes happened {a lot of them!} and they somehow reunited in 2001 right after Kenzie was born. To cut to the chase…Patti’s boyfriend was in prison, my mom was married to a self admitted womanizer…They betrayed my mom. After that, she forgave Patti and they became friends again. My mom eventually bought Patti’s car from her and didn’t finish paying her off because it died. Completely. Motor, gone. Transmission, gone. Because I had loaned my video camera to Patti’s oldest daughter so they could video tape their newest child coming into the world I never saw the camera again. But in that camera bag was all of Kenzie’s baby home videos. Patti refused to give them back until she was paid for the car. Like it was my fault?! So, long story short, police were involved, I got my tapes back, unharmed.

Now, back to the shock of seeing her again after…4, 5 years? Her face and stomach was bloated big time from medication she’s been taking for years. She’s at least 150 pounds heavier then the last time we saw her. Her health is terrible! Oh and she lives like 30 minutes away.
I wanted to feel sorry for her. I wanted to hug the honorary mom that I had all my childhood. I did feel sorry for her, but I couldn’t hug her. I couldn’t show her pity. I’m a compassionate person and I live on my emotions. I didn’t feel anger or any other negative emotion. I pitied her. I did. But not enough to reach out.

After the brief visit and her updating us on her family, we walked away. It was odd, and the air felt stale, no matter where I went in that store. I realized I had seen her before in the store, I just didn’t recognize her.

Why do people in your past pop up when you least expect them or haven’t thought about them in a very long time?


3/23/08- Overcooked egg
**Yet again, another long entry
Happy Easter!
Last night after Howard dropped my parents off at home, he stopped by Walgreens to pick up some candy {Yeah, we totally forgot about this lol}.
After he got home with $25 worth of candy and stuffed animals for the girls we got their baskets together and I passed out on the couch while Howard played video games, lol.
This morning Kenzie tore into the baskets before I could even put my glasses on. I told her to put it all back and wait for Howard to get up. Yeah, he didn’t want to get up. J I made a big breakfast and finally went and woke Howard up so the girls could tear into their baskets. Maddie had a squeal attack at the bunny in the basket accompanied by the stuffed Shamu we got her the night before.

Kenzie got a ton of hair accessories, candy, gum, bunny. Maddie got bunny, 2 outfits including a bathing suit and hair accessories as well! After Howard got up, we got decent and went to Danielle’s moms house for late lunch early dinner type thing. She invited us on Friday and since we didn’t want to do anything here because of our busy weekend it worked out great! The food was AWESOME! OMG! We ate, talked, laughed, watch the kids play. We discussed wedding details {her mom is getting married at the end of May}. Realtime Edit: She eloped 2 weeks ago
Then Howard and Danielle went outside to hide a bagillion plastic eggs.
It was a lot of fun. Beckham would not stop eating the jelly beans inside the eggs and Kenzie wouldn’t stop showing her butt. Literally, half her rear was hanging out of her jeans lol. Lovely. Maddie just kept pointing at the eggs she could see saying, BALL? BALL? BALL! Lol She even picked a few!

Oh, he found the Jelly Beans!

Butt shot!

She loved watching them!

When Howard and Danielle were hiding eggs her mom showed me a carton of confetti eggs. I am so getting Howard! Lol! After the kids did the egg hunt I was holding Maddie on my hip and walked up to Howard and gave him a kiss and a hug and cracked 2 confetti eggs over his head. He laughed, we all laughed. All of us, except Maddie. That child screamed so loud I think people in Lousiana heard her! She didn’t understand why there was a sea of little colored circles going all over her daddy and she didn’t like it! Of course, he got me, and she screamed some more! Kenzie got Danielle and Beckham and Howard got Kenzie and Kathy, Danielle’s mom.

Howard and Kathy:


Me and Miss Maddie:

Easter was pretty damn good.
After we left Kathy’s, we stopped by Sonic, even though our heads were still covered in confetti!  Howard and I leaned in to eachother and had our heads together. Kenzie made this large, dramatic sigh and said, awwwwww cupcakes!! Ha, I love that kid!
Oh, did I mention that I have one wicked ass sunburn in weird places from Sea World?

3/24/08- Oh good God, It’s Monday ALREADY?!
We need more rest! Lol omg, we are all zombies! Lol. Kenzie’s student of the week this week so there was no way I was keeping her out, even for a day, lol. We were late to school this morning though. J
Man that kid, first she gets an awesome birthday party, goes to Sea World, then spends Easter with her favorite toddler and now a whole week devoted to her at school!
I went to store today to get some diapers, ect. Then we went to pick up Kenzie at school, time to go get a pet!
First pet store: Awesome sale! Buy cage {the one we got her doesn’t allow extensions for the tubing, so we’re taking it back} and get a hamster free. No hamsters. The clerk says they have no clue when they are going to get them in because their mating season is off due to the weather. Oh crap.
Next pet store: I don’t see any hamsters here either! Crap! They do have a large parrot named big head that dances when I wave my fingers lol. Finally, we ask and he shows us to 3 cages off to the side that we missed {they were like at knee level} with one, 9 week old white dwarf hamster in it. It’s light gray with a charcoal stripe down the middle and charcoal belly. It immediately gets up on 2 legs and stares at us. *melt* It’s his last one. We pick an awesome cage and buy it immediately without a second thought. He’s furry and cute and fast, omg! Kenzie keeps talking to it like a baby, she is so beyond excited!
We get in the car and ask her what she wants to name it.
“Aaron!” no… “Eric!” no… “I don’t know!” Ok. She gets that from me, lol. After some long discussion, Mr. Hamster running down my shirt and all over me in .3 seconds and Over the Hedge coming home, she decided on Hammie. Hammie the Hamster, lol. He’s adorable and Kenzie ADORES him! Maddie points and him and says, “DOG?” lol

Kenzie did get a little upset when we told her she couldn’t feed Hammie pizza.

3/25/08- Disturbed
My mother told me the most disturbing thing today. When I was a child, I had a ton of pets. At one point I had 2 rabbits, 2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 bird, 40 fish and 2 hamsters.
The discussion came up that pet stores only sell male hamsters now to keep the population down. Understandable.
Then she told me that when I was a kid, I had a male and a female and that they would constantly have babies!! I never knew that.
I asked her what happened to them and I wish I hadn’t. She told me she flushed the babies down the toilet. No joke.
That is so terrible! I’m mad now.

3/26/08- Untangled in the net
I am really starting to miss the internet lol. I miss my moms groups, blogging, and being able to look stuff up. I feel at a loss not being able to google every couple of seconds {which seriously, I do, I live on the damn site}.
I can access very little on my blackberry and I can’t do posts for my moms group and I can do entries for my blog, every time I do, they don’t show up. I can answer myspace messages, don’t know why, but I can, lol.
I google but omg it takes FOREVER!
The cable/internet company has been out here once since we lost service. They said it could be 2-4 weeks. It’s been a week as of today. I’m going nuts!